OVERBREADTH

The top story buzzing about the Drudge Report and wire services this morning is a story on how tired the Democratic candidates are after all this campaigning. I, for one, am tired of those kinds of empty-headed puff pieces that seem to attract the American attention like a Sugar Daddy stuck to an old shoe.

In honor of my growing exhaustion with this campaign’s fixation on exhaustingly moronic topics, I bring you a Top Ten list of other stories that need to be put to rest:

10. Family Fluff - I don’t need to hear about these people’s kids. Let’s wait a few years before infusing their home lives with soap opera high hokum in an entertaining Shotime series.

9. Closing The Deal - Just let the fight go on without opining why a junior Senator hasn’t beaten the reigning Goddess of the Democratic Party in contests that vastly demographically favor her.

8. Heroic Verse - Contests should not be called “epic” by any press claiming a modicum of respectability. This goes for “bruising” 9-point losses and “bionic” opponents.

7. He Said, She Said - When one candidate accuses the other of something, and the other claims they’re distorting, do your damn homework and tell us which is right. Don’t just piddle on about “negative attacks” like they were in a schoolyard brawl and both need a time out. Explain.

6. Spinning Big States - When a campaign claims a Democrat might not win New York and California, they should be put out of their misery, not put on the air.

5. Blacks Not Allowed - Stories about how America’s “not ready” for a black president aren’t insightful, they’re ignorant of all glaring, honest-to-blog evidence to the contrary.

4. Getting Tough - Unless one has knifed multiple people to death or can drink Sterno like it was Squirt, they’re all a bunch of soft DC academes, and we don’t need to hear about their toughness. Truman was a nerd, and he crushed fascism and founded the Cold War.

3. Religion - God save us from an electorate that depends on its candidates embracing a belief in an invisible pro-American superhero named Jesus.

2. TIME Magazine - The penultimate pest, TIME is the most vapid, poll-driven, scandal-dependent, air-headed, phoned-in, random, spiteful rag on the Web. My theory? Mark Halperin and Joe Klein are pissed that their book, ‘The Way To Win,’ didn’t prove Hillary’s road map to the White House like it was intended.

1. Patriotism - Ironically, I think the qualification that matters least for the leader of the country is their love of it. Many a great leader - Claudius, Henry II, Napoleon - hated their country by all indications. Much more important is a love of things like social justice, truth and kicking ass. And if a candidate loves their country in the dewy-eyed, “yes, Master” way the Sean Hannity/Laura Ingraham crowd seems to demand, they’re not going to see problems to fix, but fanatic populations to exploit.

Tags: Seriously //